Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Kensi is 1!

Happy 1st Birthday Kensington Faith! 

It's been one year since I met my promised, prayed for and perfect daughter. I received a new measure of love from Jesus when I held this precious 5lb, 3oz gift in my arms. 
Before getting pregnant, I felt that I was emotionally and mentally ready to be pregnant, and to be so without fear. I thought for 37 weeks I had done a good job at being courageous. Looking back, the fears were present and at times robbed me of joy. There were days of numbness. Days that felt like I holding my breath in fear of "what if."  But greater than that was a God given peace that covered, strengthened and carried me through it all. My anthem song was "It Is Well" by Bethel Music. Anytime worry crept in, these lyrics were my heart cry. My eyes had to be constantly redirected to Jesus. Trusting him in at ALL times.

Especially the 13 minutes before her first cry. As labor was at a stand-still, the doctor broke my water to get things moving. Kensi's heart rate instantly dropped and at one point reached zero. In controlled chaos I was prepped for surgey. My initial thoughts were "You've got to be kidding me, Lord. We are so close. Don't do this to me," but then turned to a repetitive "God I trust you." 

It was the longest but quickest 13 minutes of my life. Then I heard her cry. I never knew how much I needed to hear that sweet sound. For me, that beautiful moment signified victory over a death pattern in my pregnancies. Healing for the broken places in my heart. Relief for my anxious thoughts. Peace for my fears. Restoration. Wholeness. Success.  Faithfulness of a God who loves me. 

Four years before she was born, The Lord told me I would have a daughter and I felt in my spirit that she was biological. Daily I'm in awe that she's here and I get to spend the rest of my life knowing her. God also told me there was healing in her hands. The day we left the hospital, we were taking some photos and she reached up grabbed my face and pulled me close to her. It took my breath away and I knew that God's words were true. It was a healing touch, a healing moment. 

My prayer for her was that she would have gentleness and kindess of heart, strong in spirit and full of the joy of the Holy Spirit. She is as I prayed for. She is a precious princess with a warriors heart. God has used her for healing in my life and she will continue to do the work of healing in the name of Jesus. 

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Carson is 2!

The days are long (and hard), but the years are short (and wonderful)! It doesn't seem like it has been two years since our lives were miraculously impacted. So many wonderful, God things have happened since March 22nd, 2013 when I boldly prayed and believed that God could make me a mom in 24-hours. Our lives have been radically blessed and overflowing with favor since March 24, 2013 when we first held our precious surprise from God. I look back at the first few pictures we had taken at the hospital and I'm at a loss for words of God's amazing love for Luke, Carson and myself.
God loved Carson so much and his heart cared so much for him, that God immediately made him a son to two parents who had been waiting and longing for their promised child. I remember looking at this little face for the first time just in awe of God's creation! Carson was knit together so perfectly in his mother's womb. He has always been known by God. All of his days were set before him and on that day, I got to say yes to living out these days with him until I leave this earth. 

Today he turns two. Our son is strong-willed, confident, a problem solver, curious, observant, charming, witty, detail oriented, makes his presence known, bold, courageous, intelligent and so much more. He knows how to use what God has given him, for making choices that are both good and not so good. I believe and know that the battles of today will be what makes him victorious in his future! He will be strong and confident in the Lord, creatively looking for ways to meet the needs of others. He will use his charm and leadership to build relationships with others that will bring them closer to Jesus. He has changed our world! I will always believe anything is possible with God. I stand firm with greater faith that God is who he says he is, he can do what he says he can do and will do! 
Carson was created by God, chosen by God, given by God and will change the world for God!


(Began post August 2013) As I've prepared to write this blog on our latest blessing as a family, I reflect on how God continuously blows my mind and rocks my world with his crazy faithfulness and love for his children. Also as I write this, I find the whisperer of lies saying "nobody is going to believe you, its too un-believable." What is unbelievable is that I would get discouraged by the discredited lies of Satan instead of the absolute truths of the grace of God in my life. The bible says in Revelation 12:11-And they have defeated him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony. That's what I'll be sharing, and in sharing, Satan will be defeated and God will receive glory for his amazing goodness.

It begins with expecations and conference. You might remember from my last post that God moved in a mighty way after attending a conference and laying me requests/expectations before the Lord. I love going to conferences/events. I love being poured into. I love the faith increase I experience, and I love encountering the radical love of God. Every conference I attend, I write expectations. This one was no different. I attended the Worldcast Conference at Yakima Foursquare (July 2013). The entire conference was amazing! God refined and redefined who I am. He once again increased my faith to new, deeper and higher levels. On the last night of the conference, I was overjoyed with all God had done in my life during this conference. As the conference was coming to a close, they offered prayer to anyone who wanted prayer. I hesitated to go up, but I obediently listened to the nudge that was saying go get prayer for sex. TOO MUCH INFORMATION! That might be what your thinking, but this will all come together. I believe that even in my transparency to explain this, men and woman reading this will be set free in their sexual intimacy with their spouse. They will receive the healing I received and that God longs to give. As I waited in line, I was praying that God would give me the freedom, healing and restoration I desired in my intimacy with my husband. I was praying that God would make the right person available to pray for me. Two women approached me and asked me if I were waiting to receive prayer and I said "yes." When they asked what I wanted prayer for, I said exactly what I wrote above. I wanted prayer for sex, but what I meant by that was that I would have a desire to be intimately vulnerable with my husband. I know that God intends for a husband and wife to become one together sexually and often wasn't wanting this. I felt like by not desiring this, I was in someway rejecting and causing division in my God intended union with Luke. I wanted to honor my husband and God in this area, but I felt closed off in this area. The women proceeded to ask some questions, one being "Did I have sex before marriage?" The answer was yes. Our prayer for my healing began by forgiving and receiving back (what I had given away) from those men, including Luke. As I forgave them, I felt the healing and restoration of my purity. They asked me how I was feeling and I shared that I felt completely made new in my purity, like a virgin (as I write this, I can't help but break out into a Madonna song...feel free as well). I felt like the heaviness of that lifted. After this, I felt amazing. I could have walked away because I received the healing I wanted from the Lord. Our prayer for my restoration didn't end there. The women asked if I had got married in a church. I had to chuckle because I had actually got married at Yakima Foursquare. The very church we were standing in. This is not the church we attend (its our church's sister church). Only God would work it out like this. They said to me that we were going to have a wedding since I was made whole in my purity. Now, let me clarify, Luke was not at this event with me.

(Completed March 2015) These women walked me through what I'll call a "spiritual wedding ceremony." I recommitted my covenant of marriage to my husband with the complete purity I had just been restored with. It was the truly the wedding God intended for me to have, and fortunately I was going to walk away that evening with the wholeness of my heart and purity that was always meant for Luke. In the midst of our "spiritual wedding," I realized that this covenant was different because it was being made with Jesus as well. I was also able to speak from my heart the most beautiful, Holy Spirit led vows for him and for Jesus. The gist of the vows were that I was bringing a a treasure box that contained my heart. The outside of the box was dazzling with all of my best that was always meant for him. I was giving myself to him as a blameless sacrifice. After the prayer/spiritual wedding, the ladies asked if they could pray for my womb because they remembered I had mentioned the loss of our daughters. I gladly received the prayer. As they were praying for me, I clearly heard the Lord say, "Go home and get pregnant like you did on your wedding night," while reassuring me that this was my new wedding night. I walked away, blown away by how overwhelmingly wonderful that whole experience was. I returned to my seat and friends, telling them what had just happened and what I heard the Lord say. As I left the conference, sitting in my car, I told God that I wasn't ready to be pregnant (for selfish reasons) but that I wanted to be obedient and I would be, and if that resulted in a baby I would rejoice and give him the glory. When I got home, I was able to remember the vows and shared them with Luke. It was a beautiful moment which extended to my obedience which led to the most beautiful blessing of a baby girl, Kensington Faith who was conceived that night and born April 7, 2014.