(Written in early January) The first few days of 2013 were coming and going. I was feeling unprepared, like I was entering into the newness of another year blindly. It was really bothering me. I couldn't figure out why I would be feeling that way. I didn't have any new year resolutions but I've ever been a new year resolution kind of person. I was without expectation for 2013.
Expectation. That made me think of how our previous youth pastor would have us write what we were expecting from the Lord (at camp, conferences, etc.) and we would pray over those things leading up to the event.The event would take place, and without fail, God showed up. He met and exceeded my expectations (from general to very specific) EVERY time. Psalm 5:3 (NIV) In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. This is what I was missing for 2013. I hadn't laid any requests before the Lord. I hadn't given this year to the Lord. What were my request? What did I intentionally want to expect from God in 2013? The most obvious request is to be a mother in 2013. If I'm being honest, the word expectation for this request seems to have a different meaning lately, its more like 'you better do this.' I write that and it makes me cringe that I would have such an ugly attitude. God purify my heart! I want to lay my requests before Him and wait in expectation, patiently, knowing He is good. He is faithful and His timing is perfect, better than my own.
I still felt like I was missing the point. Clouded by my wants and not God's will. I was missing direction, like a compass spinning round and round. Pastor Tom made an amazing point in his sermon at church this past weekend: Direction, not intentions, determines destination. This morning while reading my bible, I read a famous verse that brought some clarity on how to walk through 2013. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. God pressed upon my heart that the compass of my life needs to be pointed at him, and as I do that, he will make my path straight. He will show me the way. I will not be able to operate in the things God has for me if I try to direct my path (i.e. the compass spinning round and round). He must be the direction that determines my destination.
Now going back to my expectations. For 2013 I expect as I point the compass of my heart toward Jesus, not turning to the right or left of my own understanding, I will be led straight into the direction and destination that God has for me, my family and my future. What a good God I live my life for!
