We've passed Madi's due date, and I was actually surprised at how easy the day itself was. The days leading up to March 31st were progressively difficult, but once we got to the coast, it seemed to be a little easier. After loosing Madi, Luke and I felt that some time away would be nice. I've been extremely busy with student teaching and working, and our honeymoon was non-stop, so we felt with spring break landing the same time as Madi's due date, we would take some time together, away from Yakima. Though Hawaii or somewhere warmer and with sunshine would have been nice, the Oregon Coast offered us a peaceful gateway to enjoy eachother.
Life has began to go back to normal for Luke and I. I think I've enjoyed maternity leave a little too much, because I'm not ready to go back to work, however it will be nice to be a bit busier. One of the hardest parts of the last month was not knowing what to do or how to live oustide of the busy schedule that I was operating on before we lost Madi. Madi was supposed to be the completion of all my hard work, as well as fulfilling my hopes and dreams of becoming a teacher and mother. When we lost her, I wasn't sure what to look forward too...but life continues and I've learned that I need to keep working toward what would have happened in our lives if she were here. I am hoping to be hired by a school district for the upcoming school year, as well as hoping to become pregnant. I plan to attend the career fair on April 16th in Tacoma (so keep that in prayer) and we didn't quiete listen to the doctor, so without too much detail, we're trying again for a baby.
I'm sure for some, its hard to understand why we'd be trying again so soon, but I have such a need to be a mother. I assume part of it is because I was preparing to have my daughter and now all I have is memories, nothing to hold or love on. I thought I might have been a bit selfish in telling Luke that we needed to try again and soon, because maybe he wouldn't be ready, but I found comfort and excitement when he agreed that he too has a need to be a Dad. His way of handling this is much different than mine, but its nice to be in agreement with the thought of another baby.
Though I wouldn't have ever wished to go through this, nor do I ever want to again, its amazing to see all that's come from this experience. I would find it harder to find hope if I didn't know God, and if I wasn't seeing fruit coming from this. Its amazing how God has used this for good, and in so many different ways. Its amazing to see others touched because of our response to loosing Madi. Its definately all because of the strength that God gives. I definately couldn't have endured this without knowing Christ and because I know him, I have hope for my future. His word, the Bible, promises this in Jeremiah 29:11. This verse is well-known and it speaks to my heart and my circumstances. When I was searching this verse online, I found a really neat website that put into words (better than I could) how this verse has spoken to me and has touched my heart. I couldn't agree more with this lady. I have been going through Cleansing Streams Ministry the last couple weeks and within the workbook, I had to rewrite Jeremiah 29:11 so that it read: "For I know the plans I have for Ashley," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper Ashley and not to harm Ashley, plans to give Ashley a hope and a future". Such a powerful verse already, but it has so much more meaning when I realize that God really does declare and promises that over me and my life.
From the desk of Sculptor - Bridgette Mongeon
My hopeful friend,
Sometimes you hear a scripture and when you do, you know that though it has been in existence for years, and others may have read it before you, in your heart you know-God wrote this one for you. That's the way I feel about Jeremiah 29:11.
The first time I remember hearing it was at a high school graduation. It was the class' graduation scripture. That day when I heard it I claimed the promise for myself. I was going through an incredibly difficult time. My husband had left, divorce was imminent, my daughter was six and going through her own emotional turmoil over losing her daddy. And I was trying to figure out how on earth I was going to work everything out. Could I be what my daughter needed? What about my future? Would I have to give up my direction with my sculpting? Would I make it financially? Plans to prosper, and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future.
If I could wrap up one scripture, tie it with a bow and give it to you it would most likely be this one. Let me remind you: God loves you. He wants to give you hope and a future, no matter what circumstances you are in. He has everything already figured out. There is peace in that. Hold this one dear to your heart as I have.
When I first thought of sculpting this piece I was going to sculpt a crying child, perhaps because it is in that state that I need the assurance that this scripture gives me. After prayer I changed it to this sleeping baby, claiming the promise that this scripture brings peace. Trust in God. This dear child sleeps peacefully knowing his dad has everything under control, he knows he will be safe, and cared for. We know this too. Our Heavenly Father has a plan.
God not only speaks to me through this word but also in song. Jeremiah 29:11 is for me during this time in my life, and so is song #10 on my playlist, "Our Hope Endures" by Natalie Grant.
